A common fear we hear from engaged couples is, “I’m worried my future spouse will fall out of love with me.” This is a real fear that a ton of people face.
The truth is, love is a choice, not a feeling. Those fuzzy feelings may come and go, but a marriage that’s founded on an everyday choice to love your spouse, no matter what happens, is a marriage that not only survives, but thrives.
There will be ups and downs and times where you don’t “feel” in love.
Friends, God doesn’t call us to be “in love” with our spouse, he calls us to love them unconditionally (regardless of how we feel).
Continue to communicate with each other, serve each other, pray for each other, and choose each other every day.
Marriage is a marathon, not a sprint. What’s the best way to train for a marathon? To keep training on the good days and on the days you don’t “feel like it.”
I’m reminded of this quote from CS Lewis in the book Mere Christianity. He talks about how sometimes we sit and wonder if we still love someone. He gives some powerful advice that we can apply to our future spouse.
He says: “Do not waste time bothering whether you ‘love’ your neighbor; act as if you did. When you are behaving as if you loved someone, you will presently come to love him.”
When you don’t “feel” in love with our spouse, start acting as if you do. Here are a few ways you can do that right now:
Pray for your spouse every day
It’s hard to feel insecure in your relationship or to be frustrated with your spouse when you’re praying for them daily. Thank God for your spouse every day. Pray for your spouse and their life every day. Ask God what your spouse needs… He knows them better than you! We encourage “positive prayer” for each other… this means you shouldn’t pray for God to fix the faults of your partner. Instead, pray encouraging and positive prayers.
Say “I love you” every day
Sometimes there are days where you’re not really feeling the butterflies of love. It doesn’t matter. Make a point to tell your spouse you love them every single day. Faith comes from hearing… when our spouses hear that we love them, they don’t have to question it. They simply have faith that you love them.
Do the dishes, bring them their favorite snack, fill their love tank. Service is a great way to demonstrate your love for your spouse. Whatever that looks like in your relationship, try to find ways to serve your spouse daily.
All of these things are ways we can demonstrate and show our love that don’t rely on our feelings. You can pray, say I love you, and serve your spouse even in the middle of a blow out argument.
Love is a daily choice.