Living Together Expectations Checklist: Questions to Ask Before You Move in With Your Spouse

A month into our marriage, I sat in a doctor’s office waiting for a prescription for sleeping medication. Not that I really needed it… I was sleeping through the night and felt rested in the morning.

The doctor strolled in and asked me why I was looking for sleepings meds. I responded, “I just got married and my sleep talking is keeping my wife awake. I didn’t realize it was that bad. I’m hoping sleep meds will knock me out.” After a brief pause, she chuckled and finally agreed that sleeping meds might help.

For some, the thought of living with your spouse is exciting. Like a long sleepover with your best friend. For others, you’re worried about combining two lifestyles, two sets of habits, two routines, and more. Or maybe it’s a bit of both excitement and nerves.

We talk about it all the time, but unmet expectations are the quickest way to frustration. It’s true in marriage, but it’s also true when it comes to living together. Have you talked about your expectations with your future spouse? Do they know that you like to sleep with the fan on? Do you know what time they wake up in the morning?

Below are over 60 questions you can ask your future spouse before you get married and start living together.

If you’d like a printable version of these questions in a checklist format, click here.

General

  • Are you a morning person or a night person?
  • How do you like to kill time?
  • Do you watch a lot of television?
  • How do you like to rest?
  • How would you rate your cleanliness level?
  • What is your most and least stressful day of the week?
  • What temperature do you like to keep the house?
  • Do you talk in your sleep?
  • Do you expect us to go to bed together/at the same time?
  • Do you wear shoes in the house?
  • Do you have any pets that will live with us?

Habits

  • When you sleep, do you like it to be cold or warm?
  • When you sleep, do you use a fan or other noise device?
  • When you sleep, do you like the room to be pitch black?
  • Do you sleep with the door open or closed?
  • Do you sleep with the windows open or closed?
  • Do you wash the dishes right away?
  • Do you fold your laundry right away?
  • What’s your worst habit?
  • Do you snore?
  • Do you shut the alarm off after the first time or let it ring?
  • Do you cap your tooth paste?
  • How do you squeeze your tooth paste?
  • Do you put the toilet paper roll over or under?
  • Do you throw away empty bottles, boxes, bags or leave them out?
  • Do you make your bed every morning?
  • [Ask Men] Do you leave the toilet seat up or down?
  • [Ask Women] Do you leave makeup and care products on the counter?

Routine

  • What’s your daily routine?
  • What’s your morning routine?
  • What’s your bedtime routine?
  • What time to do wake up on a normal day?
  • What time do you like to go to bed on a normal day?
  • How late is “sleeping in” to you?
  • How late is “staying up” to you?
  • What’s an ideal weekend to you?
  • Do you shower in the morning, at night, or both?
  • Do you eat breakfast every day?
  • How do you decompress after a long day?
  • What time do you normally eat dinner?
  • What time do you normally eat lunch?
  • How long do you take to get ready?

Responsibilities

  • What’s your least favorite household chore?
  • What is your favorite household chore?
  • How often do you clean your toilets?
  • Do you expect each of us to do our own laundry?
  • Who do you expect to pay the bills?
  • Who will lock the doors every night?
**For more martial roles questions, check out our Marital Roles Checklist

Communication

  • How will you communicate that you need some alone time?
  • When you’ve had a bad day, what do you need?
  • When you’ve had a great day, how do you like to celebrate?
  • If I’m annoyed with you, how should I tell you?
  • Do you expect us to greet each other when we get home?
  • Do you expect us to say goodbye to each other when leaving the house?
  • How will we settle disagreements around personal preference?

Lifestyle

  • Do you have a lot of stuff?
  • Do you expect to split the closet 50/50?
  • How many pairs of shoes do you have?
  • How often do you cook at home?
  • Do you expect us to eat all of our meals at the dinner table?
  • Do you want to have a TV in the bedroom?
  • Do you use the bathroom with the door open?
  • Do you show up to things on time or a bit late?

If you’d like a printable version of these questions in a checklist format, click here.