Marriage is a journey. And like any journey, preparation is key. Before you tie the knot, there are some important conversations to have. Here are 12 things to discuss before getting married.
1. Why Are We Getting Married?
Discuss why you’re getting married. What’s your vision for marriage? Understanding each other’s motivations is crucial. Is it companionship, love, faith, or building a family? Aligning on your purpose provides a strong foundation.
It's also important to understand God's plan for marriage. We talk more about this in our online premarital course for engaged Christian couples.
Questions to Ask Each Other
- Why are we getting married?
- What do you hope to achieve through our marriage?
- How do you define a successful marriage?
- What are your personal reasons for wanting to get married?
- How does your faith influence your view of marriage?
- What are your expectations of me as your spouse?
- What is God's plan and design for marriage?
- How do you feel marriage will change our relationship?
- What are your fears about marriage?
- How will we keep our marriage strong?
2. Faith and Spiritual Intimacy
Faith and spiritual intimacy and vital to a healthy and successful marriage. How will you integrate your faith into your marriage? Will you pray together, attend church, and engage in other spiritual disciplines? Shared spiritual activities strengthen your bond. Talk about your individual faith journeys and how you can support each other spiritually.
Questions to Ask Each Other
- How important is faith in your life?
- How do you want to incorporate our faith into our daily lives?
- How often do you want to attend church?
- How do you envision us praying together?
- What spiritual activities are important to you?
- How do you see us supporting each other’s spiritual growth?
- What are your beliefs about religious holidays and observances?
- How should we handle differences in our spiritual practices?
- How will we teach our faith to our children?
- What role does community play in our spiritual life?
3. Communication Styles and Conflict Resolution
Understand how to handle communication and conflict. How do you handle disagreements? Effective communication and conflict resolution are key to a healthy marriage. Discuss your habits: Are you a talker or a listener? How do you prefer to address issues? Learning to communicate effectively can prevent many misunderstandings.
Check out our premarital course for more tips and strategies to enhance your communication and navigate conflicts constructively.
Questions to Ask Each Other
- How do you prefer to communicate?
- What do you need from me to feel heard and understood?
- How do you handle disagreements?
- What are your triggers during arguments?
- How can we ensure respectful communication?
- What’s your preferred way to resolve conflicts?
- How do you feel about seeking help for communication issues?
- How do we address issues that keep recurring?
- What’s the best way to bring up difficult topics?
- How do you think we can improve our communication?
4. Personal Values and Beliefs
Discuss your core values and beliefs. Understanding each other’s perspectives is essential for a harmonious relationship. What are your fundamental beliefs about life, love, and family? How do these values shape your decisions and actions?
Questions to Ask Each Other
- What are your core values?
- How do your values influence your daily decisions?
- What beliefs are non-negotiable for you?
- How do you prioritize your values?
- What values do you want to instill in our children?
- How do you handle value conflicts?
- How important is honesty to you?
- How do your values shape your view on marriage?
- What role does integrity play in your life?
- How do we ensure our values align?
5. Family & In-Laws
Talk about your relationships with each other’s families. How will you set boundaries and manage expectations? Navigating family dynamics can be challenging. Discuss your comfort levels, expectations, and plans for holidays and family gatherings.
Questions to Ask Each Other
- How do you feel about my family?
- How often do you want to visit your family?
- What are your boundaries with in-laws?
- How will we handle family conflicts?
- What role do you see our families playing in our lives?
- How should we handle family holidays?
- What are your expectations for family support?
- How will we balance time between our families?
- How do you feel about family traditions?
- How do we maintain our autonomy as a couple?
6. Family Planning and Parenting
Do you want children? If so, how many and when? Discuss your parenting styles and family values. How do you envision raising your children? What values and principles are important to you? Our premarital course covers detailed family planning discussions, helping you align your visions and prepare for the rewarding journey of parenthood.
Questions to Ask Each Other
- Do you want children? How many?
- When do you want to start a family?
- What are your parenting philosophies?
- How do you feel about discipline?
- What are your views on education?
- How do you envision sharing parenting responsibilities?
- What values do you want to teach our children?
- How do you feel about work-life balance with kids?
- What are your thoughts on childcare?
- How will we handle disagreements about parenting?
For more on discussing children before marriage, read this article.
7. Household Responsibilities
Who will handle which chores? Dividing household duties fairly is important for a happy home. Discuss your expectations and preferences. Are there tasks you enjoy or dislike? Establishing a fair division of labor early on can prevent future conflicts.
We have a free marital roles checklist to help you and your future spouse get on the same page about who does what.
Questions to Ask Each Other
- How do you feel about dividing chores?
- What tasks do you enjoy or dislike?
- How often should we clean the house?
- What’s your approach to household maintenance?
- How will we handle unexpected household issues?
- What are your expectations for meal planning and cooking?
- How do you feel about hiring help for household tasks?
- How will we share financial responsibilities for the home?
- How do we ensure fairness in household duties?
- What’s your view on household organization?
8. Expectations for Intimacy and Affection
What are your needs and expectations for intimacy? Discussing this openly can prevent misunderstandings. Talk about your comfort levels, desires, and any concerns you might have.
If you're nervous about your wedding night and honeymoon, be sure to checkout our Ultimate Guide to the Wedding Night & Honeymoon.
Questions to Ask Each Other
- How do you define intimacy?
- What are your needs for physical affection?
- How do you feel about discussing intimacy openly?
- What are your boundaries regarding intimacy? (Read more on this here)
- How can we keep our intimate life fulfilling?
- What role does emotional intimacy play in our relationship?
- How often do you expect to spend quality time together?
- How do you feel about public displays of affection?
- How do we address any intimacy issues?
- How important is physical touch to you?
9. Social Life and Friendships
How will you balance time with friends and family? Maintaining a healthy social life is important. Discuss your social circles, hobbies, and how you plan to spend your free time. Balancing individual interests with shared activities strengthens your relationship.
A hot topic for engaged and married couples is boundaries with friends of the opposite gender. We got you here.
Questions to Ask Each Other
- How do you feel about spending time with friends separately?
- What’s your view on socializing as a couple?
- How often do you want to host gatherings?
- What activities do you enjoy doing with friends?
- How do you balance time between friends and family?
- What are your thoughts on making new friends together?
- How do you feel about our friends influencing our relationship?
- How do we handle conflicts with friends?
- What’s your view on maintaining long-distance friendships?
- How do you feel about our social life priorities?
10. Financial Goals and Management
Align on financial goals. Discuss budgeting, saving, and spending habits. Money matters can cause stress, so it’s crucial to be on the same page. How will you manage joint finances? What are your short-term and long-term financial goals? Our course includes an entire section on finances to help you win with money.
Questions to Ask Each Other
- What are your financial goals?
- How do you handle budgeting?
- What’s your approach to saving money?
- How do you feel about debt?
- What are your views on joint vs. separate accounts?
- How will we plan for big purchases?
- What’s your approach to investing?
- How do you feel about financial transparency?
- What’s your plan for retirement?
- How will we handle financial disagreements?
11. Career Aspirations and Work-Life Balance
Support each other’s career goals. How will you maintain a healthy work-life balance? Discussing this will help you support each other’s aspirations. How will you handle career changes or relocations?
Questions to Ask Each Other:
- What are your career goals?
- How do you feel about work-life balance?
- What’s your approach to career changes?
- How will we support each other’s career ambitions?
- What are your thoughts on relocating for work?
- How do you handle work-related stress?
- How important is job stability to you?
- How do you feel about work travel?
- What’s your view on continuous education and training?
- How do we balance career and family life?
12. Future Dreams and Goals
What are your long-term goals and dreams? Aligning your future plans is essential. Where do you see yourselves in five, ten, or twenty years? Discuss your hopes and dreams, both individually and as a couple.
- What are your long-term dreams?
- How do you envision our future together?
- What personal goals do you have?
- How do you see us achieving our dreams?
- What’s your view on shared vs. individual goals?
- How do we support each other’s aspirations?
- What’s your dream vacation?
- How do you feel about future financial goals?
- What’s your plan for personal growth?
- How do we keep our dreams aligned?
Conclusion
These conversations are crucial for a strong foundation. For more in-depth guidance, check out our online premarital course. It’s designed to help you prepare for a marriage filled with love and understanding. Cheering you on as you start this beautiful journey together!
You can also grab a copy of our free download 50 Questions Every Couple Needs to Answer Before They Get Married.
