Marriage is a big change for a lot of people in your life. Your parents included.
If you're struggling to articulate what you need from them as you get married, pass along this letter.
Dear Mom & Dad,
I'm about to get married. I'm so excited for this next step, but I'm also a little nervous.
Nervous our relationship will change.
Nervous I'll have to make some decisions you won't love.
Nervous that I won't always say or do the right thing.
So before we get there, can I share a few things I need you to know as I get married?
I know this is a big change for you, too.
A lot of the attention is on me right now. Everyone talks about how much of a change marriage will bring to my life, but I also know you're going through a big change, too. We're adding another person to our family and it may feel like you're losing me... all at the same time.
I see you.
While I can't promise that nothing will change, I can promise that I'll be with you every step of the way. We'll work together to navigate this thing that's new and different for all of us.
My spouse will be #1 priority.
Genesis 2:24 says, "That is why a man leaves his father and mother and is united to his wife, and they become one flesh."
My spouse and I are making a new family together. As we get married and become one, they'll become my #1 priority. We'll be making decisions together that we think are in the best interests of our relationship, and I may end up saying "no" to you so I can say "yes" to them.
Please know that this doesn't mean I love you less or that I don't care about you.
I simply ask you to understand this commitment I'm making to my new spouse and support me in this change.
I'm grateful for you.
Good, bad, and otherwise, who I am today has been shaped by you. My marriage and the way I relate to my spouse has been (and will be) shaped by the both of you as well.
I need you to know I'm grateful for that.
Please respect our boundaries.
As my spouse and I start our life together, we will be setting boundaries for our new family. This might include how we spend our time, handle our finances, or make decisions about raising children. While we value your input and wisdom, we also need the space to make our own decisions and learn from our experiences. Please respect the boundaries we set and give us the room to grow and learn together.
We still need your love and support.
Just because I'm getting married doesn't mean I no longer need your love and support. I will always be your child, and there will always be moments when I turn to you for advice, comfort, or encouragement. As we navigate this new chapter in our lives, please continue to be there for us, pray for us, and offer your support when we need it.
Our faith is important to us.
Our Christian faith is at the core of our relationship, and we intend to make it a central part of our marriage. We would love for you to join us in prayer and support us in our faith journey together. As we grow together in our faith, we may make decisions that you may not understand or agree with, but we ask that you trust our commitment to God and each other.
Let's make new memories together.
As we start this new chapter in our lives, we look forward to making new memories together as a family. This includes sharing holidays, special occasions, and life's milestones. We hope you'll embrace our new family unit and join us in creating lasting memories that we can all cherish.
In closing, I want to thank you for all that you've done for me throughout my life. I am so grateful for the love, guidance, and support you've provided. As we move forward into this exciting new chapter, I hope we can continue to grow and strengthen our relationship.
With love,
[Your Name]
