Updated March 23, 2024
Marriage has been around for thousands of years (all the way back to Adam & Eve in the Bible).
With time, our views of marriage have been influenced by society, TV/movies, our parents, and more.
We come into marriage with an ideal dream of what our relationship is going to look like. Some of those ideas are realistic and healthy… others are myths.
In the book “Saving Your Marriage Before it Starts,” Les & Leslie Parrott provide 4 common (and harmful) myths about marriage that we tend to believe.
Myth #1: We expect the same things from marriage.
You and your future spouse will come into marriage with a set of unconscious and unspoken “rules” for your marriage. Maybe you expect to have date night every Saturday. Or you expect your husband do the dishes every night. Or you expect your wife to plan all of your vacations.
Or you…… see what we mean?
Spend 10 minutes going through our free guide, “50 Questions Every Couple Needs to Answer Before They Get Married” and you’ll quickly see why this is a myth.
Reality: A healthy marriage is one that understands your different expectations and works to find compromise or agreement.
How boring would your marriage be if you both expected the same things? Healthy differences make marriage (and life) more enjoyable and fun. And just so you know... you'll spend a lifetime navigating these differences and expectations. They don't just magically disappear once you're married.
Myth #2: Everything good in our relationship will get better.
Here’s the deal: many things about your relationship that you love will get better once you’re married. But not everything.
You’ve likely heard it said that the honeymoon phase doesn’t last forever. True. So what are you doing now to prepare for that reality?
Are you building a relationship centered on friendship and connection, or are you building a relationship that’s only as strong as how hot you’re feeling for each other?
Reality: your relationship can get better, but it won't happen automatically.
Marriage takes work. So if you want to make the "good parts" of your relationship get better, you need to create a game plan for those things now.
Myth #3: Everything bad in my life will disappear.
“Well once we get married, we won’t fight about that.” This is a phrase we’ve heard from tons of couples, and maybe you’ve said it yourself.
The truth is, marriage can act as a magnifying glass on our hurts, imperfections, and conflicts. Thinking marriage will solve all of your problems is like thinking you won’t get wet when you jump in the pool. It’s actually the opposite.
Reality: The sooner you work through the challenges that you’re having while you’re engaged, the sooner you’ll experience the fullness of marriage that God has for you and your partner.
A quick word of caution here... we've seen couples think things like porn addiction, poor financial habits, and disrespectful communication will go away once you get married. This is dangerous. Read more about these red flags here.
Myth #4: My spouse will make me whole.
One of our favorite quotes about marriage is, “What if marriage was intended to make us holy more than to make us happy?” Sure, marriage can and should be a source of happiness, but when we depend on our spouse to make us whole and happy, we run into some problems.
Proverbs says, “As iron sharpens iron, so one person sharpens another.” This logic works best when we understand that our role in marriage is to love, encourage, and build up our spouse… not make them whole (and vise versa).
Reality: your spouse's job is not to make you whole. Only Jesus can do that.
Placing that expectation on your spouse is not only unrealistic, it’s unbiblical.
Maybe you’re reading all of these myths and you’re thinking, “I’ve fallen for these.”
Take a deep breath! You’re not the first, and you certainly won’t be the last (we also fell for a couple of them). So what now? The first step to overcoming these myths is to address them. Sit down with your partner and see which myths you currently believe and how you’re not going to fall for them going forward.
You’ve got this!
Looking for practical ways to bust these myths with your partner? Enroll in our online, premarital course today.
